Hopeful & Optimistic...

I still cannot quite believe it. It is all so wonderful. Feeling so blessed and grateful, despite the past. I wanted this for so long, and by the end I really believed I would never have it. He is moving and kicking now, I can feel it. I'm starting to buy him little items of clothing and plan the baby room. I kept many of Amelie's things; the stroller/pram, car seat, toys, blankets and clothes. Yesterday I felt strong enough to sort through them pulling out the gender neutral colors while putting all the pretty girly things back in their boxes. Back to the basement, where they will sit once again. It feels good to prepare. To use Amelie's things, it doesn't make me sad but instead feels right, using his older sisters things. If she had lived, it would still be this way, I would use the hand me downs from her, just as I will now. I fluctuate between the hopeful happy place to the dark and worried place often still, I can't not. But the closer I get the more confident I become. He is 21 weeks now (past the halfway mark). It's huge. He is looking strong and healthy. I cannot believe how much he looks like here. Here are a few pics from today's ultrasound.